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Kim: Been There Done That

September 2nd, 2014 No comments

link Jennifer Lawrence Nude Photos Leak: Ariana Grande, Kirsten Dunst also Exposed | Variety.

Finally, some real news.  Although, as the old saying goes, this story is worthless without pictures.  It appears that ‘celebrities’ are shocked and indignant that nude photos of themselves have been hacked from their computers and cell phones and distributed to the full view of the public.  We don’t mean to sound callous; I suppose I would be aghast if birthday suit images of me were circulating around cyberspace.  Except for the fact that there aren’t any.  Even if there were, I’d be horribly embarrassed because of the remarkable resemblance to Pee Wee Herman.

In the case of the various ‘celebrities’ offended by the invasion of privacy, isn’t being naked or near naked part of the stock in trade of the business they’re in? In addition, they generally look good naked, unlike the mass of the oglers out here who can only look upon their images with leering envy.

“But it’s a privacy issue!” someone will exclaim indignantly, “People have the right to have their personal images kept private!”  Yes, that’s all true….in the theoretical fantasy land that most of these people inhabit.  In that world, no one should lie, steal, cheat at cards, or throw cigarette butts from cars.  In that world, only organically, sustainable chickens are eaten, toilet seats are always down and the minimum wage is $15 per hour for the poor folk.

No one finds it strange that people who cultivate their personal appearances as an integral, if not the only aspect of their livelihood are offended by people having glimpses of it?  This would be comparable to Al Gore getting all  upset about an image of himself with his mouth open.  In the case of Kate Upton or Jennifer Lawrence,  the 1% of their bodies that may be newly exposed to the public is hardly a big shock.   Celebrities are not the only ones guilty of naivete however when it comes to anything to do with cyberspace.  The very notion that images sent back on forth over the internet can be protected and private is as laughable as the notion of a no peeing section of a swimming pool.  Do people not understand that it’s geeks that created, populate and operate the internet?  Do they really think that geeks aren’t going to find ANY possible way to look at naked women?

Oddly still, many of these celebrities are more concerned about pictures of themselves, which may cause some embarrassment, but are not the least concerned about  making vapid utterances on weighty topics which will most certainly embarrass them.  Reality bites.

 

The Al And Jesse Medicine Show

August 19th, 2014 No comments

link Ferguson Protests: Rev. Jesse Jackson Leads Demonstrators Through City Hours After Clashes With Police.

This is like the old Ghostbusters theme song.  When a racial riot breaks out, “who ya gonna call?” RACEBAITERS!  Jackson and Sharpton of course.  In fairness, I’m not sure anyone put out a call to either one of them, like the bat signal at the first sign of possible racial conflict.  Both of these hustlers can smell a race conflict from all the way across the country like a bloodhound sniffs body odor.  They probably have a google app which searches for this stuff.

Even the local Missouri blacks embroiled in the ‘demonstration’ are asking “who called y’all?” Jackson may have lost some style points when he passed around a collection plate after his speech; old habits and all that.  The days when Jackson and Sharpton purport to speak on behalf of, or “lead” aggrieved blacks have long disappeared along with elaborate afros.  In fact, the only contingent that perpetuates and legitimizes their existence is the media.  It’s preposterous to report that the views of either one of these hustlers is representative of a nation of 40 million black people.  It’s as if the opinions of Charlie Sheen were sought out after a controversial death of a white person.

It never even dawns upon the media that to accept and propagate the views of the irrelevant reverends is racist in itself.  Why don’t they seek the opinions of Thomas Sowell or Ben Carson or Condaleeza Rice?  While media loves to push the narrative of a divisive racial society, they in fact actively promote the assumption of single mindedness among blacks, treating them as if they were an homogenous segment and not individuals, the very definition of racism.

So in Missouri, we have a crime incident, sad of course, but essentially local, blown up into an international racial conflagration by the combination of a lazy and sensationalist media, noted hustlers and a naïve public.  No less than Ban Ki-Moon, the secretary general of the U.N. has asked for the U.S. government to protect free demonstrations.  The U.N.; can’t make that up.  On the same day of this incident, there were 25 to 30 shootings, mainly of blacks, in Chicago.  There’s even a website that maps the incidents;

shootings in Chicago

That kind of stuff is old hat in Chicago and barely gets any righteous indignation any more.  It certainly doesn’t sell papers.  In Missouri, they’re supposed to be more skeptical of things and not be gullible to spurious news. You’d expect more from the ‘show me’ state.

 

Now You Know

July 16th, 2014 No comments

link The 5 Most Dangerous Guns in America Pictures – Derringers | Rolling Stone.

It appears as if there’s an entire community of aspiring ASiF writers out there.  With so many true but bizarre events transpiring these days, it’s often hard to discern actual reporting from editorial from satire.  The classic Karl Marx quote is that history repeats itself first as a tragedy, then as a farce.

If the offerings of popular media are any indication of where we are in Marx’s continuum of history, then it’s likely culture and society have moved into the farce stage.  In a recent study by the Brookings Institution and the Public Religion Research Institute, Jon Stewart, the host of Comedy Central’s eponymously named show is considered a more reliable news source than MSNBC.  Of course that’s a low bar, but the implications of that are astounding.

On any given day in popular media, there’s always front page coverage of The Life Of Kim, the top 5 beach bodies, the top hunkiest actors, or the most recently rumored Apple device.  Media has become a resource for 12 year old girls.  Rolling Stone for years has tried to present itself as the cool rag of the leftist intelligentsia and in truth, they’ve had some good articles when Matt Taibbi was on board.  With this article on the five deadliest guns, they have truly jumped the shark and abandoned any pretense of intellectual reportage.

Fortunately, there seems to be a contingent of people out there who get it.  It is within the comments section to this piece where the most entertaining snippets lie.  Actually, there’s plenty of fodder there for future columns.  For those too lazy to click on the link, here are some real gems:

The 5 Most Dangerous Marx Brothers:
Groucho
Chico
Harpo
Zeppo
Karl

Five most common vehicles used by drunk drivers:
1. SUV’s.
2. Pick up trucks.
3. Sedans
4. Coupes.
5. Minivans

Five Most Dangerous Rock Bands

5) Rick Derringer
4) L.A. Guns
3) Guns ‘n Roses
2) Shotgun Messiah
1) The Beatles during the recording of “Revolver”

Five most dangerous seasons:
5. Rabbit Season
4. Duck Season
3. Rabbit Season
2. Rabbit Season
1. Duck Season….

And for the global warming crowd:

100% chance you will die if you drink water
100% chance you will die if you breathe Oxygen

We’re going to get these guys on staff.