Archive

Archive for the ‘Entertainment’ Category

Now You Know

July 16th, 2014 No comments

link The 5 Most Dangerous Guns in America Pictures – Derringers | Rolling Stone.

It appears as if there’s an entire community of aspiring ASiF writers out there.  With so many true but bizarre events transpiring these days, it’s often hard to discern actual reporting from editorial from satire.  The classic Karl Marx quote is that history repeats itself first as a tragedy, then as a farce.

If the offerings of popular media are any indication of where we are in Marx’s continuum of history, then it’s likely culture and society have moved into the farce stage.  In a recent study by the Brookings Institution and the Public Religion Research Institute, Jon Stewart, the host of Comedy Central’s eponymously named show is considered a more reliable news source than MSNBC.  Of course that’s a low bar, but the implications of that are astounding.

On any given day in popular media, there’s always front page coverage of The Life Of Kim, the top 5 beach bodies, the top hunkiest actors, or the most recently rumored Apple device.  Media has become a resource for 12 year old girls.  Rolling Stone for years has tried to present itself as the cool rag of the leftist intelligentsia and in truth, they’ve had some good articles when Matt Taibbi was on board.  With this article on the five deadliest guns, they have truly jumped the shark and abandoned any pretense of intellectual reportage.

Fortunately, there seems to be a contingent of people out there who get it.  It is within the comments section to this piece where the most entertaining snippets lie.  Actually, there’s plenty of fodder there for future columns.  For those too lazy to click on the link, here are some real gems:

The 5 Most Dangerous Marx Brothers:
Groucho
Chico
Harpo
Zeppo
Karl

Five most common vehicles used by drunk drivers:
1. SUV’s.
2. Pick up trucks.
3. Sedans
4. Coupes.
5. Minivans

Five Most Dangerous Rock Bands

5) Rick Derringer
4) L.A. Guns
3) Guns ‘n Roses
2) Shotgun Messiah
1) The Beatles during the recording of “Revolver”

Five most dangerous seasons:
5. Rabbit Season
4. Duck Season
3. Rabbit Season
2. Rabbit Season
1. Duck Season….

And for the global warming crowd:

100% chance you will die if you drink water
100% chance you will die if you breathe Oxygen

We’re going to get these guys on staff.

 

Tiffany Men

July 1st, 2014 No comments

link Bachelorette Sneak Peek: Is Nick Playing Games? | Video – ABC News.

There has always been the long running debate about whether life imitates art or whether art is an accurate reflection of life.  Dear sweet Jesus, let’s hope that no one out there really thinks that shows such as The Bachelorette have even the most tenuous connection to reality.  The plotline of The Hobbit is more believable than the embarrassingly vapid plot lines in this series.

The premise of the show is that a multitude of ‘virile’ and eligible males vy for the attention and eventual heart and hand of a single woman.  To my knowledge, if this were to happen in real life, there would be appointments involved as well as hours of operation and state laws to consider.  As part of the TV program however, the heroine’s choice is aided by the characters being sent off to  exotic places, doing fun things and having deep meaningful conversations about professed love.  In other words, the gal may as well be dating 12 year old girls.

If a drinking game were to be created in which a shot of tequila is taken every time a version of the word ‘feeling’ is uttered, viewers would be slurring Spanish within the first half of the show.  This may be news to girls out there, but whenever most men use the f word; “feelings”, it’s either contrived for a TV show, or in the context of a horse that’s running in the third race at the local track.

Not that we aren’t romantics.  Just the opposite.  In real life, connecting with that certain someone is very difficult and elusive.  It could happen as a result of a brief glance across a crowded room.  It could be from an unexpected gesture.   It could be in the way someone carries themselves in stressful circumstances.

It is not, as portrayed by TV shows and modern culture, like choosing from a selection of coiffed men as if they were in a Tiffany’s jewelry case.  Despite the inexorable march of our consumer society which begets instant gratification and limitless comparison shopping, the connection between people is still based on good old fashioned chemistry.  It’s there or it isn’t.  If you have to go to Belgium, ride cable cars, skydive etc. etc. to uncover that chemistry, it ain’t there.  You don’t discover someone’s true character when things are good.  You discover it when things are bad.  The stuff on TV only guarantees that the characters will find fun playmates.

 

Isn’t That A Little Boys Game?

June 13th, 2014 No comments

link This is Why Americans Don’t Like Soccer – Soccer – Boston.com.

We know it’s the world’s “most popular sport”.  We know that the world is consumed as if in an epileptic frenzy when the World Cup is staged every 4 years.  But it’s boring.  Soccer, or football as the game is known everywhere in the world outside of North America, is as interesting as watching Pong.

From its origins as a savage pastime when combatants kicked the heads around of their vanquished opponents, the game has really stayed fairly true to its roots.   At a certain level, we understand the game’s primitive charm.  Especially at the global level when the pride of nations are at stake during a match at the World Cup.  There are few sports which stir up nations’ national spirit like soccer does.  Entire countries will shut down while they watch their squad do battle with that of another.  Soccer is essentially a surrogate for armed battles and which purports to demonstrate the superiority of an entire nation over another; especially if they have nothing else to brag about.   It’s the one time that Cameroon can kick Britain’s ass and shame the Limey bastards on the world stage.

We can see the simple charm of the game, one which doesn’t have all the arcane rules of many professional sports.  Soccer is big business worldwide, like any major sport.  It is a game which small boys dream of playing in all corners of the globe and their heroes are godlike.  It is still a sport for the common folk.  It’s also a sport in which there is as much action in the audience as there is on the pitch.

Basketball is a sport that has evolved into a game populated by thyroid cases and freaks of nature that must be over 6 feet 6 inches in height or they’re considered too small to play.  The shoes on most players can double as kayaks for midgets.   The players’ hands are so large that the ball may as well be an onion.   Basketball is clearly not a game for regular people.

Baseball is hardly interesting anymore either, since much of the game is spent with players standing around and spitting.  The real hard core fans are statistics geeks who can rattle off ERA’s, saves, runs allowed, etcetera.  Clearly a game for accountants.   Cheering for a team is like rooting for Price Waterhouse to beat Ernst and Young.  If baseball is too much action, there’s always cricket.

Hockey is not really a world sport because a big ice surface is not readily found south of the 49th parallel.   That’s a sport for a very specialized audience.  Golf; well that’s the same as hockey; use a stick to put an object into a hole.  Only golf has is played in warm weather, has more rules than an IRS handbook and participants lack any fashion sense.  American football comes close to the rabid fanaticism shown by soccer fans, but like basketball, as specimens, the players are generally many standard deviations removed from an average guy.  They are essentially bred for the sport like racing hounds or thoroughbreds.

Soccer at least gives the pretense that the players are average people who happen to have finely honed ball skills. If only they could do away with the Oscar winning head holding and ground rolling, it would be a real man’s sport instead of a primary school recess game.