Rumor has it that Jay Carney inherited his post as White House spokesman after Robert Gibbs only because Joe Izuzu wasn’t available.  As some may remember, Gibbs resigned after having to defend White House policies for the first few years of the Obama administration, but decided to leave after being unable to control his rapidly shifting eyes and when the word ‘uh’ became 75% of his utterances.  For those not familiar with the iconic car salesman Joe Izuzu of 70′s fame check here, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Isuzu

Carney has been a worthy and amusing successor.  After his gig is up at the White House, we expect Carney has a promising career working as a Cirque du Soleil acrobat where his amazing feats of contortion will amaze and amuse a paying public.  For now, his contortions of the truth and the denial of the obvious will make him a classic Internet meme for the ages.  This guy is either the most pathological liar of all time or just dumb.  On any given day, it’s a toss up which is more likely.  His denial of the most obvious of observations is Monty Python-esque.  I refer to the classic Dead Parrot sketch.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218

In politics as in sports, it’s one thing to be partisan, everyone wants their side to win; it’s quite another to deny an obvious reality.  For Carney to deny that there are ANY merits to the numerous scandals embroiling the White House should be a strong hint that he may actually be a hand puppet.  Consider that he is always standing behind a podium.  Hmmm…there is a Sesame Street muppet look to him….

But it’s hard to slam old Jay, he’s just working with the material that’s given to him every morning.  Nevertheless, I’d say there’s a fair chance that even Jay is being worn out from all the stress.  He’s sold more whoppers than a kid working at Burger King.  It won’t be long before he joins his predecessor Robert Gibbs in academia where the audiences are naive and reality is not an issue.

A franchise is a very valuable thing.  Creating and maintaining a franchise is very powerful.  McDonald’s is inarguably the icon of the franchising model.  The core idea of franchising is to sell a specific expertise and to offer that specialty at every single location that carries the corporate name.  Tied in firmly with franchising is the notion of branding.  Franchising and branding is a serious business.  Everyone knows what a Coke is. Everyone knows what Nike stands for.  Everyone has an idea of what a Hooters restaurant is.

In the rush to gain more market share by expanding offerings, iconic franchises risk losing or at least diluting the valuable branding that in many cases, has been created over decades and generations.  Few would go to Fouad’s Falafel House for a cheeseburger, nor would they expect to get poutine at Hon’s Wonton Garden.  In the case of many so called fast food franchises like McDonald’s and Wendys, they have tried pandering to wider audiences with offerings of ‘healthy’ salads and other lighter fare.  Who wants a walnut salad at Mcdonald’s?  Why would they even consider selling Halal food?  Getting slapped with a legal judgement by unhappy customers should be a warning to operations like Mcdonalds that all customers aren’t worth chasing.

Some other food chains at least remain true to their roots.  Burger King offers the bacon cheddar stuffed burger and Denny’s even offers a bacon milkshake…topped with whipped cream of course.   Now that’s some honest American eats.  The boutique In-N-Out burger franchise out west likes to advertise that their menu has barely changed since 1948: burgers, fries, shakes.  No weenie salads or organic seaweed nonsense.   You gotta stand for something!  Nobody goes into a roadside diner expecting to get brook trout almondine with a mango salsa.

This is a philosophy that would serve well outside of the food business.  In the political process, they should also pay attention.  Recent news headlines show that the once darling of the conservative set, New Jersey’s Chris Christie, is now hosting fundraisers for the Clinton camp. !!!  Is he bacon or is he walnuts?  Marco Rubio, once considered to be a possible standard bearer for the GOP is backing a very liberal immigration policy.   That franchise looks as doomed as a Chinese taco stand.

Even more annoying is the fact that reaching out always goes one way, that is to pander more to the weenie crowd.  We would never see a veggie restaurant offer spareribs to entice meat eaters for their patronage.  We would never see hair salons offer a cigar section.   We would never see a Prius offered with a V-8.  Will we ever see a cheeseburger at Wolff’s Deli?  You would never see a liberal reaching out to get the conservative vote.

Where’s the beef?  The take away is that you can’t be all things to all people.  Unless there’s a core value that is consistently represented, the core constituency cannot be retained and the new ones will likely be fickle anyway.  When everyone offers the same thing, it’s all essentially hash.  Nobody has ever uttered the desire to go to a good hash place.

Dateline: San Francisco:  Local hairstylist Federico Assange says he has gotten ‘incredible’ support since coming out as the first openly straight hairstylist in this liberal city, known for its predominantly gay hair salons.   Assange hopes that his revelation will make it easier for other straights to follow his path.

Assange sat down for an interview that was aired by ABC’s “Good Morning America” on Tuesday, one day after the veteran hair stylist revealed his sexuality in a first-person story posted on Hair Illustrated’s website.

“I think, I know, in my personal life, I’m ready, and I think the country is ready for supporting an openly straight hair stylist,” Assange told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos.

“I hope that every stylist makes a decision that leads to their own happiness, whatever happiness that is in life,” Assange responded. “I know that I, right now, am the happiest that I’ve ever been in my life.”

Assange said he went through something akin to a 12-step program while deciding to come out, dealing with emotions such as anger and denial.

“But when you finally get to that point of acceptance, there’s nothing more beautiful than just allowing yourself to really be happy and be comfortable in your own skin,” Assange said.

Dozens of San Francisco stylists sent messages to Assange after the story was posted Monday, many doing so through social media. The support didn’t stop there, with President Barack Obama also calling to offer his support.

“It’s incredible. Just try to live an honest, genuine life, and the next thing you know you have the president calling you,” Assange said. “He was incredibly supportive and he was proud of me, said this not only affected my life but others going forward.”

While Assange thinks that the world is ready for an openly straight stylist, former icon Vidal Sasoon said Tuesday that  he doesn’t think the fashion and hair industry is ready.

“I don’t think the fashion world is ready, there’s too many gays in the salon rooms and, you know, gays play around too much,” he told NBC Style Radio.

Asked by Stephanopoulos what his story could mean to youth who style hair and are worried about their futures because they are straight, Assange offered a simple piece of advice.

“It doesn’t matter that you’re straight. The key thing is that it’s about great hair,” Assange said. “It’s about working hard, it’s about sacrificing for your client. It’s all about dedication. That’s what you should focus on.”